Hi and hugs to all.

Took my partner home this morning. We had a great few days together. True down time. Still, my mind would at times be flooded with awful memories, and I would stare in to space and disappear. My partner has been with me (except for a few years after our divorce - long story) for sixteen years. Half of that he saw me go through much worse PTSD than what I am experiencing right now, so he is great and helpful at helping me out of the dissociative state. I still haven't talked to anyone but my T about what is going on in my brain.

Saw my T today. After discussing more details I told him I need this thing to go away as I am struggling to cope so I'm worried the Bipolar will tag along. Then we focused on whether or not I wanted to keep talking about it (we are only three sessions in). I doubt that will stop the flood of memories that started before the trauma therapy, but it may be worth a try. I have so much more recent trauma to work through somehow. I just want to stay alive, which means avoid a mixed state as bad as the last. As the trauma was crippling me we opened the chat but it has suddenly taken me places I did not want to go.

In the end my T and I agreed not to talk about earlier traumas and focus on honing in my coping skills while being open to discussing more recent trauma. This trauma I cannot escape from now. I would much prefer to file it and move on but it is demanding my attention. I have tried to shut it off to no avail. Hopefully, by facing the more recent stuff I can heal quickly and shut down the old stuff.

Now I just need the Bipolar to stay put.