It's interesting, he hasn't always been this way. Early in our marriage, I noticed that whenever he called me, during the day it was mostly to grumble about work, and I get that, we all need to vent. But after a while, I I stopped him and said that calling me to complain all the time was affecting me, and I needed him to dial it back. It worked for a while, but just seems like it's gotten worse over the years, and to my own fault, I have not stepped up to vocalize how I was feeling. Part of that comes from my own issues as an adopted child, we fear abandonment, thus sometimes adapt our own behavior (being completely amenable) to try and avoid what we perceive as a threat of being abandoned. I've seen counselors on my own to work on that issue, it's a lifelong struggle.

You asked, what do I love about him -- he is one of the most considerate and thoughtful people I know, would not hesitate to help me or any family member with anything.

I doubt I could get him into couple's counseling, but I think just posting this and seeing replies, it's becoming clear that I need to step up in telling him how I feel, which is often really hard for me.