I was in an abusive relationship with a narc. It's ended, and very suddenly. The whole thing feels like I've had a year of my life stripped away, which is pretty accurate when you consider the whole year was based on a lie I was being told.

Before I met her, I was a loner and I didn't have much direction, but I was also a motorcyclist and a artist and I got a lot of my personal identity from those things. Because she demanded and coerced so much attention, those things fell by the wayside. My route through life and future destination became tied up with her. The vanishing act means that path in life is now gone and the things that made me, "me", are also gone alongside it. On top of that, the experience as a whole has left me traumatised from the abuse and I'm struggling with lack of motivation, depression and existential crisis. I know what I "should" do with myself (or at least I have a few ideas), I just don't know why I should do it. Its resulting in halfhearted attempts to regain control of my life and a lot of waiting around for developments.

It's a very empty, lonely place to be. And it's one that doesn't seem to be improving with time. Looking over my past posts, I can see that I've been in this same state of mind since the relationship ended and I'm not sure how I can improve the state of affairs.

I want someone to give me a mission or purpose, so I'm going to ask you lot for one. Set me a task or goal to achieve, and if it sounds reasonable, I'll go out and do it and keep you informed on my progress.