Quote:
Originally Posted by ShadowGX
Well, there's a couple possible points that come to mind, the major one being that it will give you something to do and focus your mind on. The 2nd being possible income, depending. You could sell your art and that would have people appreciating it. I don't know about your area, but at least around here there's different venues for up-and-coming artists to showcase their work. If that's not an option for you, the internet is a good place. Etsy is a good site for selling artwork and made goods. There's websites like Deviant Art that you can make what is essentially a portfolio of your work and take commissions through it for custom work too. Art could be a great focus for you depending on what you're wiling to do with it.
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There are places where I could sell my art work, but I don't really struggle for money. I'm not rich, I just don't have much I want to spend it on. There's the old question: "What would you do if you won the lottery?" And I can't answer that. Having more money wouldn't change a thing for me. It makes poor motivation.
So prestige and success? Well, I had that once, then lost it. I worked my way up in the art world, but I was betrayed by someone I trusted and I lost it all. I'm kinda tired and disillusioned with chasing that goal. In the end, it was just one card in a house of cards.
I've got this vision in my head of my perfect life, but every time an element of it becomes reality, someone always steps on it and I have to start over again. I'm nearly 40 now, and I'm no closer to achieving my ambitions than I was when I was a teen. Further away in some regards because I seem to be eliminating options left and right. It's getting to a point where I'm starting to feel like it's impossible. Not because the goal is unreasonable, but because there's something stood in the way that I can't overcome. And it's not from within me, but rather an outside source. This is where I start to sound crazy and paranoid I suppose, but I've experienced it too often to not take it seriously.
There's something wrong with the world. Something evil and oppressive. It makes people puppets to it as well manifests within general causality. And I feel like I am, or I have made, myself a target for it. Like I'm cursed. It doesn't seem to matter how I try to change the world or myself, it's too ubiquitous and grandiose to go up against. Like it's a universal law. I've heard what I experience called the Demiurge and it seems to fit the bill.
I guess that's why I feel stuck. Because I've ended up in a fight with reality itself and I'm trying to move myself around the karmic wheel. I've prayed at many altars, figuratively speaking, but I've found them all to give the same results. It's all one big loop, or at least that's all I seem to be able to achieve.