I am feeling lately like diagnosis matters more to me than I originally thought. On the one hand, it is just a label and I know labels aren't as important as the details of our individual experiences. However, a diagnosis provides me with an answer as to why my brain malfunctioned the way it did. A diagnosis gives me an idea of what to expect going forward and helps me to know what signs and symptoms to look for. My doctors recently took away my diagnosis and I'm feeling a little lost. I'm not sure what to expect and I don't know why or how my episode with psychosis got so out of control. Bipolar disorder gave me answers and a path to follow to reduce the likelihood of relapsing. Now I feel like I am flying blind. I'd be grateful if what I have is just a one and done episode or something that recurs infrequently, but without a diagnosis I just have to wait and see what happens. I know this is technically true for anyone as we are all different, but I feel like I'm missing something. My diagnosis sort of helped me to make peace with how out of control I was. Justified isn't really the right word, but it helped me realize it wasn't all my fault and I could blame the disease for putting me in a position to behave the way I did. Now I don't know what to think.

Underdevelopment nailed it. I need the closure and confirmation that something caused the horror and trauma I experienced. Treating myself as if I do have bipolar disorder is working, so I can at least say CBT and antipsychotics help whatever I do have going on. That is a relief.