For me it is not ok, but I can understand how our brains and hearts might convince us it is the best option. I believe life has purpose, even in great suffering. I experienced severe trauma, but there was meaning and purpose in it. It is a mix of super sour lemons and sweet lemonade.

I am sorry you are suffering. It isn't my place to judge you or your thought process. All I can say is one human to another I hope you choose to stay. You matter. I hope somehow things begin to improve for you. Blessings.