honestly it isn't fair of you to ask us for our opinions & then for you to base your decision on them. Would you rather I suffer indefinitely, like I have almost my entire life? do I want you to suffer? no but I also don't want to be part of the discussion on if you should end your life.

only you can make that call. we can tell you to get help, get therapy, meds etc. you say you've been in pain since you were young..so you know the drill....follow it. or it sounds harsh, or not, but don't put the onus on members here for the decision.

you must think your life is worth something if you come to a forum where there is a pretty sure 100% chance folks will say live.