Lately work has been crazy. I've been training several new staff members, I travel for work and most days put on at least 100+ miles, and in general its just a chaotic time. I have never been so medicated. In fairness, I also just bought a house and moved, so that added to the stress. But, I feel like my performance has suffered. My boss and coworkers are attributing it to me being lazy or not caring. Obviously, that's not the case. But sometimes it's all I can do to get out of bed.

This week, I had a manic episode and ended up self-harming pretty bad. I stayed home the last 2 days to hide the injuries. I mean, what can I say?

I work with at risk teens too and I didn't want to be a trigger. My boyfriend says no one will know. Just say I got hurt on my ranch. But I don't want to keep putting on a brave face. And I don't want to keep getting turned down for promotions because my work ethic is being questioned.

I can do my job. I do it really well, actually. Even on my worst days, I'm doing a pretty darn good job. I never miss deadlines. All my trainee's are doing well. But, still- when I have my manic or depressive swings, I get in slumps and while I meet my quotas, I don't exceed them.

I feel like I need to disclose. Like I need to get some understanding here instead of being criticized. I know that there are risks associated with disclosure. People WILL look at me differently. But, if I'm already being penalized now because my performance is impacted by my mood, then is it really that much different?

If I try to say I'm overwhelmed now, I'm dismissed as trying to dodge work.

Anyone have experience in this? I am familiar with the laws in the US (part of my job is to help teens ask for accommodations/address mental health on the job/etc.) but it is different when its me and my job. This is a more significant job. I am licensed. I am responsible for the ethical welfare of my clients. I don't want anyone to worry I can't do the work. Just sometimes, I need to take a few days to handle my swings before I interact in this capacity. Yknow? But I don't want my absences to be looked at as 'fun'. They are usually me, sitting in the dark, not leaving the house, not eating, and just generally withdrawn OR so manic and frenzied my house is suddenly spotless, I've waxed the floors and deep cleaned the oven and built some new structure and changed my brakes. That sort of craze.