Thanks a lot guys! Your replies did help (though another email I received from a friend shortly after sorta knocked me back down a bit, but that's another story).

I guess I just need some understanding, and some validation, and to not feel that I'm doing everything wrong and am failing miserable at this whole "healing" thing. Which is generally how I feel, and that ends up making me feel even worse, of course.

Abby - yes, you are being helpful! Thank you! Yes, I am still seeing my T. It's tough though, because I go in there with one thing that's upsetting me, and then end up somewhere else. It's not that I'm complaining - it's interesting I guess. I dunno. Yesterday I went in miserable, lonely, thinking about the S word a lot, thinking about the ex, and ended up talking about my childhood and distant relationship with my dad. Strange. It's good I guess, but I left feeling like some of the other junk didn't get out, but it's the stuff that I've already discussed there many times and I guess part of me gets frustrated that I spend money and the 50-minutes per week I have with her going over the same stuff over and over.

And what you said about your situation, and "patheticness of the words" and realizing that the person isn't who you thought they were - yes, I think that applies here. I haven't heard all of his words yet, but I expect them to be insufficient and inadequate and to prove that he's the big loser that I suspect he is, though that hurts too. I don't think he's capable of saying anything that can make any of this better, but I'm willing to listen and hope, and maybe it will be good to maybe hear nothing relevant from him and to just walk away finally. We'll see. I'm so tempted to contact him again and say "reply already!! WTF??" but I know I shouldn't. At least not yet.

Cyrano - thank you! I'm a man, but I'm a sucker for ice cream too (the vegan kind). And cookies. And amasake. And chips and hummus, strangely. I think I need to find some other guilty pleasures that don't involve food.