Hi Jay, and WELCOME to the board. Depression can make us believe that suicide it the only option we have to end our pain, but remember, that is 'depressed thinking' = it is not objective reality. It's obvious that you are hurting really badly right now, and I don't want to in any way diminish the importance of what you are going thru, but the feelings that you are having are not permanent - killing yourself is. Since you know that you could kill yourself, why not decide to stick around for a while to see if things improve. You didn't say whether you are taking any kind of medication for your depression, but anti-depressants do help pull us out of the deep abyss, which, in turn, allows us to think more clearly and more realistically about what other options we may have to our problems, serious though they may be. Also, here's a number you can call toll-free to talk to someone if you are feeling like you may do it any minute, although calling 911 may be a better choice, 1-800 - SUICIDE [1-800-784-2433]; see, also, <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.suicidal.com>http://www.suicidal.com</A>. Also, keep posting here = there is usually someone who will be around on the boards to post to, and this is a very caring group, most of whom understand quite closely where you are coming from. Take care, Jay, and I hope you will post again soon. Warmest regards, Peanut PS. I just tried to IM you on aol to tell you about this post but you were logged off.

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT </font color=blue>