I'm really sorry about your H's diagnosis. When my spouse was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer in his mid 40's, it was shocking to me. The diagnosis is really difficult, no matter what the stage. The medical care and treatment that followed was brutal. It took a lot out of me. He needed so much from me and I think it took more than a year to just stop feeling depleted all the time.

Suggestion: every hospital i've ever been in has social workers on staff. Call the oncology dept (or probably urology, wherever his doc is) and ask if you can make an appointment with the social worker, hopefully during the time when he's there in surgery and/or recovering. Another suggestion: hospice-- hopefully he never needs it and I realize you aren't a patient, but these folks knew the most about resources in the community for caregiver support and groups of all kinds. They are really hooked into knowing what's out there.