It is difficult to remember but I'll try...

1988- age 16: Felt "off" somehow. Parents sent me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with nothing but being a "normal teenager". My thoughts felt off some how. I'd hear voices talking to me in the night. I thought it was my sister but I'd check and she was always asleep in her room.

1997- Age 25: While pregnant with my first child, I was diagnosed with depression. I was filled with anxiety at times. Prescribed Zoloft.

2000- Age 27: One day I was in the bathroom and looked out the . in the sky were orange rectangles. I'd look away but they were always thete. I thought they were alien spaceships. I called my husband in to look but he said there wasn't anything unusual in the sky.

2001- Age 29: After I had my third child, I was seeing a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with post-partum depression. I My psychiatrist was a specialist in post partum depression but she never mentioned the psychosis. I also had catatonic depressions.

2005- age 33: Was walking my youngest into preschool one day, when I saw After I dropped my son off, I called my psychiatrist: she said not to go anywhere. So I sat in my car. Somewhere in there I was put on Celexa (as opposed to the zoloft I got in 2000). I drove myself to Wendy's and went in. I couldn't figure out what they did there. I stared at the menu but had no idea what it said. I asked myself what they did there but I really had zero idea. I called my pdoc who freaked out and told me I shouldnt have driven.

2005: I wandered around the neighborhood: everything was ultra real. The smells, sights and sounds.... Somehow I relayed this derealization to my primary who sent me to another MD - he diagnosed me with premenstrual dysphoric disorder.

2005: I was sent to a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed after a bit with "Bipolar NOS" and put on Depakote. I gained 50 pounds. Previously I was a regular judo player and very fit.

I changed pdocs somewhere in there and at the psych emergency services was put on zyprexa. I was diagnosed with "Bipolar 1". I've had various pdocs since then. And many bouts with psychosis and mania and a bit of depression.

Somewhere in there I met my current pdoc and moved clinics. I've gone through so many antipsychotics its not even funny. Mood stabilizers too. Pdocs have toyed with the idea of schizoaffective disorder but it goes back and forth. Still hallucinate a lot. I just got out of my worst Manicepisode a few weeks ago. (May, 2019).

Oh and not to forget the 4 or so times since 2012 that Ive been hospitalized in a psych hospital for up to 10 days each. These include once in about 2014 when I .