What are your other ambitions, if I may ask? If it's too hard to talk about I understand.

If you really don't know what to do with money, there's always various charities that could use it. Almost anything you could think of there's a charity for it. You could try yourself to put it to some good use if you don't want to give it to a charity - funding community projects, helping the poor with housing/food/clothing items or debt, stuff like that.

I definitely understand where you're coming from with the feeling of defeat and fighting against something that just wants to keep you down. I'm 30 myself and have been feeling that way for a while, just in general lost and just when I think I've found a solution it gets crushed and I'm lost again. I wouldn't call you paranoid by any means. We've been taught that's how it is, something is in our way. I wish I could provide you more insight or a solution, but unfortunately since I'm in the same boat I don't have a paddle to get us out of there.