I'm thinking of stopping my French classes. I can't manage them anymore. I may lose some or all of the money I prepaid.

I don't feel like I can talk to my husband right now. I secretly called my psychiatrist. I hope he will call back later, when my husband is not home.

I just keep thinking about running away, but I know that would do more harm than good. I have no one to talk to about this. As said, this would upset my husband. My siblings are under a lot of stress, too, and I wouldn't want to seem to add more or seem self-centered. My therapist is fine, but she gives only superficial help between appointments. I feel only my psychiatrist can help.

Sometimes I think about pushing myself to the French class, but I imagine that as being the most hellish punishment on myself now. The old teacher surely doesn't understand. I imagine him and his wife being perplexed at me.

Update: I again cancelled my French class. I did not indicate permanent cancellation, though. I guess if they would like to drop me as a student, I understand.