Thank you all for your responses and encouragements. Manda, just like all of you are right. I need to believe in myself first. I need to find that belief before the rest comes.

I feel myself start to trust something that is said and then tell myself no, dont you dare belive that. You know what will happen. Leave it as a rumor and just let it be. And it always fails to be an untruth. I live being scared of everything.

It really hurts me inside to not trust. I found out so many truths the hard way and its just left a big hole. You can reach in, but you wont find anything.