Jeez, Betty, what an awful situation. It sounds to me as if you're going to need advice from some person or persons versed in this type of thing. I don't know if the hospital you go to has social workers, but ours usually do, who might come up with some ideas to help you deal with the psychological, non-medical issues here. Maybe you personally (not with him) might benefit from some counseling. Not that there's anything wrong with you -- it's the situation. How to handle the situation. The hospitals and convalescent facilities have got to be familiar with this type of thing; it can't be that uncommon. But how dreadful for you!

I can relate somewhat because a couple of years ago my husband had open heart surgery, and as we were warned was possible he suffered from hallucinations and severe personality change for awhile after that. I said the same thing you did: Where is the man I married???? I also started wondering how much I was going to be able to stand, not being all that stable anyway, and I felt guilty about it. Luckily for us he recovered mentally and physically over time and things got back to normal, but if he hadn't....

Anyway, Kaiser, where he had the surgery, was extremely helpful and concerned about all aspects of his recovery, and also about me, how I was handling it. I can't believe your local medical community wouldn't have something to offer you as you try to cope.

Very best wishes....