Threatens your way at the top?

I graduated Cum Laude in our batch. But along my journey to the top, I lost one of my friends because I'm competing unbeknownstly to her. Most of the time, I hated her because of academic rivalry. She also graduated with honor and I was bitter about sharing the same honor with her. I believe that makes me a ****** friend who doesn't deserve her.

I also compete with other relatives and my own siblings because I compare myself to them and do not like the fact that some of them are achievers like me. No, I only want that prestige for myself...

Ugh, writing all of these makes me feel like a piece of ****...I just post this here because in a way these competing with others are affecting my mental health and I want to vent...

Any advice how I can curb this ugly mentality will be gratefully appreciated...