Oh Betty, thank you for sharing such a painful truth. You have my empathy. It sounds like your husband may have had some changes to his frontal lobe function...the frontal lobes are involved in impulse control and judgment. That could possibly explain the behavioral changes and the sudden withdrawal of money and not understanding why you would find that problematic. People with frontal lobe problems can often present as curt, rude, or even aggressive (physically and/or verbally.)

You have done your best. You tried to help him but you couldn't. He doesn't have awareness of his deficits (many with that type of brain damage don't...it's part of the problem) therefore he doesn't see any need for help. If someone told you today that you need to go to physical therapy to learn how to walk, you'd think they were crazy or rude, right? Because you are sure that you know how to walk and walk perfectly well. That's another way to think about the disconnect with your husband. He is sure that nothing has changed.

People do divorce for reasons like this and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is up to each individual to determine what is healthiest for him/her. Each person decides what they can and cannot tolerate in life and nobody has a right to judge them for that. As you said, the person you married and built a life with no longer seems present...is no longer able to be present. It's not his fault. And it's not your fault. And it is terribly sad and painful. That said, your priority must be your mental wellness and health. Please do not wish your life away. If divorce, or even a trial separation seems like a healthier option to you, then you have my support. Though of course the only person who can make that decision is yourself. Have you talked openly about your feelings with a therapist? Wouldn't that be cathartic and comforting? Perhaps?

Another thought....is it possible that your husband would have more awareness that he does in fact have a problem if you left him? Would he be more likely to listen to the docs and take the meds or do the cognitive therapy etc? I wonder. I cannot answer that. Nobody can make a prediction like that but it is something to think about.

This may be helpful for you to know. I realize your husband had TIAs rather than a TBI (traumatic brain injury) but his brain has certainly undergone changes. Well, on average, adults with a new TBI will leave or be fired from approximately 5 jobs before beginning to develop awareness that they have a problem....they may swear at the boss or not show up on time or experience a whole host of other cognitive and behavioral problems but because the brain is impaired the dots don't connect until things seemingly get worse in their external world. A simple understanding of cause and effect can become extremely difficult or even impossible for someone with brain damage. I don't know if that helps you but I think it's an important piece of info. Someone with zero awareness of a deficit cannot and will not respond to intervention no matter how badly they need it. And a wife unfortunately cannot suddenly create awareness for her cognitively impaired husband no matter how badly she may want to.

I wish you peace, hope, and a bright future whatever you decide to do. Your present does not have to be your future. And there is no shame in wanting to feel safe and well and happy. Please remember that. You DESERVE a peaceful and happy life.