My brother is the same as your BIL. My sister and I are the only ones who are doing all the footwork and caregiving to get our mom into an assisted living facility. The only thing my brother has contributed was to giver her a giant LCD tv for her apt which won't fit in her assisted living room once she moves in there. She's on the waiting list there, but the exec. dir. told my sister and I that our mom is on his short waiting list. My brother wouldn't even come with my sister and I to tour the assisted living facility.

He is a hypocrite too b/c he touts himself as this born again Christian yet he thinks gays and anyone who is a minority race are all going to hell b/c they are not (in his warped religious mind) "God's true chosen." He has money but won't help my sister and I with our mother's caregiving expenses either.

So, basically, I empathize with you. See if you can call assisted living places around your town and get her name on the waiting list. You DO NOT want her living with you. It will ruin your marriage b/c you'll be caregiving 24/7. I live with my mother now, and it's going to kill me if I don't find a way to get support for myself. I found alzheimers support groups I can attend here on a weekly basis that is for caregivers like myself.

Tell your husband that he has to draw the line with his deadbeat brother.