Wow,LacunaCoiler,thank you so much.It really touched me and also hurt me to read what you said.It did help me though,for real.

I honestly hadn't thought about it from his perspective and what he must be going through and thinking and feeling.Thank you for sharing that.I'm really sorry for what you've gone through but I do appreciate you sharing it.

It pains me on my husband's "bad" days.Those are the days I consider "opposite" day where I know when he says yes he means no ansdeverything he says will be the opposite of what he's really trying to say.

I do think inside he feels he's less than a man now.He doesn't say that but I just know it.And as much as I hate to admit it sometimes I feel resentful that he's this way now.He used to be my rock,my safety,my stability and now I just feel so lost alone and scared often.It's scary for me.Thank you for making me think about how he must be feeling.

Everything you've said is definitely food for thought.And I do think now that I need to focus on myself for a bit,get the help and support I need and then focus on my relationship.I don't have to make any kind of decision right now like it has felt/seemed.Tbh I'm in no shape to currently anyway.

Thanks again.