I'm having a hard time tonight. This was the last night my beloved partner was alive 13 years ago. He was so sick for so long with cancer. I wish he would have agreed to have hospice involved but he was determined to keep fighting. I should have slept out in the living room with him that night, but for some reason I thought he had a couple more days to live. I asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital like I had many times and he said no. That night he didn't sit next to me on the loveseat like he always did but sat in his recliner. He was having a lot of trouble breathing but mainly slept. I stayed up until about 3 AM. I then organized his morning medicine and said goodnight and went to sleep in the bedroom. On the morning of May 12th I got up at about 8:30 AM. The front door to our small apartment was open but I couldn't find my partner. I hurried out to the mailbox and the laundry room and he wasn't there. I then came back into the apartment and then I saw him on the floor between the coffee table and the loveseat. I was almost sure he was gone but I called 911 and the paramedics came out. He was gone. It breaks my heart that he died like that and I still feel a lot of guilt and remorse. To see my beloved who had so much charisma and was so funny gone. Who loved me with all his heart, who was so generous and kind to me. We had 17 years together, but he was only 50 when he died. Finding him like that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I love you so much Timmy and I only hope you can forgive me.