Meds make me so quiet and withdrawn. The zyprexa sucked, almost killed my marriage, not that this is helping it. I would love to be happy and stable but often I'm empty and stable. My husband insists on calling the Pdoc Monday. I wish there was something that could be done about my anxiety. I don't want to explain to the pdoc what is going on. I didn't even tell her about the zyprexa side effects. Now she's going to think I'm making them up. My new insurance sucks, the new pharmacy sucks. I don't want to deal with medication. I'm not manic or depressed just think my family wants me dead. Which wouldn't be all that dangerous if I didn't want to prove them wrong. You wouldn't know my thinking was off in everyday life and I know it's off so is that even psychosis? I wish it was easier to get the shot. I'm sorry I'm talking so much. I'm isolated and here is my only outlet.