Thank you so much for creating this thread, Pfrog. I was actually thinking of creating such a thread yesterday because Mother's Day signs in the stores were bothering me. So I am glad you beat me to it!

I do not like my mother. I do not love her. That alone means that a substantial component of society would deem me wrong or ungrateful or immoral etc. I read an article written by a psychologist about how one of the worst things you can ever do is say something negative about a mother....people will immediately find fault with you and defend the mother. My abusive father is deceased and my mother recently made a point to remind me of his birthday. He and I were estranged for years before his death. Why would I want to be reminded of him? Another maternal guilt-trip.

I live with depression and when I am doing better, my mother tries her best to bring me down again. It has actually taken me a ridiculously long time to realize that she does that....bringing up topics on the phone that she knows will upset me right after I said I was having a good day. I used to wonder why I would start a phone call with her feeling good or even happy and then come away feeling guilty, ashamed, or depressed.

I moved very far away from her but we still have communication. Back when I did therapy, the psychologist kept pushing me to have some sort of "middle ground" with my mother rather than zero contact. Supposedly that is "healthier." I went along with that but now I seriously question it. I feel worse when I talk to her, even if for only 10 minutes. I want to be left alone but she'll never do that unless I cut her off completely.

My mother called me one of her "greatest disappointments in life" because she resents me for moving away and for choosing a different career path than the one she wanted which I never had any interest in. When I divorced my abusive husband, she told my family that I lied about him. She told me to stay with him. I did not lie about any of it. In my opinion, she is not a mother. A real mother would never treat her child that way.

When I was growing up, she would sometimes scream at me for hours over trivial teenage issues. If I came home 15 minutes later than my curfew, she would hide behind the front door in the dark and leap out at me and shout at me for an hour before I went to bed. She has shamed me. Belittled me. Guilt-tripped me my whole life. She raised us to be ashamed of our bodies and that sex is wrong and dirty. She told us that if we were gay or ever became pregnant out of wedlock we'd be disowned. Perhaps we would have been better off disowned??

When my little sister had her first period, she thought she was dying because our mother never told her anything about development and menstruation. So I took care of her. I explained everything to her. I was the mother that day even though I was still a child myself. Did my mother thank me? No. She was furious because deep down I assume she knows what a thoroughly inept parent she is. Now that adult sister won't even speak to me because my mother has been manipulating her for years.and turning her against me...that sister was closest to me growing up but now she calls me "evil" and will not even speak to me. My mother and father got their claws into her as soon as I moved away and now she is miserable and reactive and appears to have an undiagnosed personality disorder.

My mother allowed my father to abuse myself and my siblings. She just sat back and watched while he threatened, screamed, cornered, and insulted us for years. We were all made to perpetually walk on egg-shells in order to avoid triggering his fits of rage but it didn't work anyway. He blew up every day.
Now he is dead and she wants me to support her in her grief. She wants me to take care of her and give her money. She expects gifts. The only reason she sends me gifts is to try to control and guilt-trip me. I have asked for no more gifts. She does it anyway. She is controlling and manipulative and unpleasant.

So, while I am happy to wish a wonderful Mother's Day to the good mothers out there who actually love and support their children, I do not celebrate it. I believe I am only going to be able to fully heal once both of my parents are dead.