Hi to everyone,
I’m new on this forum! Sorry for my English it’s not my primar language.
I’m 40 years old, and I’m still struggling with issues with my parents. I always used to have very conlictual relationship with them. My father is a narcissist, an overt one, and my mother codependent. I never really feel loved, I always perceived that my parents love was conditional, and I had to fulfill they expectations. As soon as I could I left home, and went to live in another country (I was 23).
Now I see them 2 or 3 times a year, they usually visit me for 3-4 days, once a year, and I visit them 2 times a year for 3 days. I respect them but I don’t feel any love for them. Now they are at my home, visiting me, but I feel so irritaded all the time. I’m trying not to react on the things that bother me, but I’m so bad mooded all the time, I have troubles breathing, got some joint pains and I’m so nervous. They don’t really care for my bad mood, they don’t even notice. They just care about stuff I do, they take photos of my achievements to show off to their friends, saying they are proud of me. Other times I would get upset with some things they do or say to me, and we get into a conflict, then they usually tell me that I have a horrible character. When they leave I usually feel regret an guilt that I feel so irritated by them. I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t feel any love, just an obligation and need to make them feel fine. How can I overcome this feeling, and how can I stop feeling stressed when I see them?