Hi Angie84,
I want you to know you are not alone!
I am happy that you have some form of support. I think it is important to work with someone you trust and feel safe around. Do you feel safe with your treatment team? Safe enough to process things? While I understand that your treatment team has spent 1 year trying to develop a safe place so that you can begin to process trauma - it is important that you only continue IF you have some degree of safety or comfort / trustworthy person you can lean on.
I just wanted to say that I don't feel safe in the world. I do, however, have a safe place that I have developed over the years - it is age regression. I literally wear diapers, snuggle teddy bears, wear onesies, build blankey forts, color, read bedtime stories, listen to ASMR videos, etc. It is amazing.
I wonder if there is something that you can identify that provides you with a safety that cannot be matched anywhere else in your life. Anything come to mind?
If not, that is okay.
You can find it. There has to be something that provides you a level of safety. Perhaps it is a location. Perhaps it is a color, perhaps it is a smell, or a taste. (Self-soothing is a great skill, check it out). Have you ever tried a weighted blanket? They are AMAZING! Pricey at first, but if you think about it - it's a blanket that should last for a very long time and it can be used every-night. I recommend trying one out and seeing if you like it enough to buy.
If you have not already done so, ask your treatment team for ways to discover a safe place for you.
How are you feeling today?
Thanks,
HD7970ghz