I'm ashamed that I'm so obsessed with my weight that I judge people so harshly on their weight, including my mom.

I've made my mom really upset when I kept pushing her to lose weight.

I'm ashamed that I starve myself and shame myself when I eat food that is unhealthy.

I am ashamed that tell myself that I can't date "in this condition".

I'm ashamed that I can't look at myself and see beauty.

BUT

I am trying very hard to fight those thoughts.

It's not easy.

I'm afraid if I become comfortable with who I am physically, I'll just "let myself go".

But I can't enjoy the food and the drinks I love without obsessing over how that's going to make me look.

Weight and appearance is a huge struggle for me.

I wish I could accept myself for who I am.