It’s going on one year since I ended a friendship that started 40 years ago.

The grade school friendship beginning was a fairly healthy one. We shared fun, adventures, and loads of raucous laughter. The only thing back then was that the boys my other gf’s and I ‘dated’ (chased) didn’t want this friend around because they found her unattractive and obnoxious. So we excluded her to see these boys. But there was no friction over that.

It wasn’t until after college years that I first stopped talking to her because she’d poke jabs at me until I had enough. So we didn’t talk for maybe 6 months then, but then she’d call me and (I have now learned the term) Hoover me back in.

It was never me taking jabs at her. But if I ever did get a good one in back at her, which I honestly did in good fun, thinking it was a friendly game, she flew off the handle. She could dish it out but not take it. (I’ve now learned that sounds like a narcissist, right?)

I was with her when I met my husband. I coached her which caused her to meet her husband. All was well until she was planning her wedding while I gave birth to my first child. She gave me a gift that seemed intentionally insulting. She had also given me a birthday gift that seemed the same, while I had given her a very nice gift and made her a party. Then I cooled off to her as I had enough once again. But she would keep poking and prodding as to what was the matter until I told her how I felt about the insulting gift. She flew into a rage and did not invite me to her wedding. Again, we were no longer friends for a few years.

She called me again to Hoover me back. I now had two children and she had one. Once again we were the best of friends.

It was the same pattern of fun, the best of times, sisterly emotional support through thick and thin. But it always got to be too much to where I’d have enough of her and need to take a break and distance myself. It was either that I couldn’t go anywhere with her in public, or she’d be so intrusive and taking such jabs at me.

In public, while she is hilariously funny and our mutual friends and I like that, she goes way too far to where she is so offensive to others. I thought she’d learn how to filter herself as we aged, but she only got worse. Even though I’d ask her to lower her voice or to not verbally assault others in my presence, she’d only take it up in volume to further embarrass me. So I stopped going anywhere with her.

Then I couldn’t even just talk on the phone with her anymore. Every conversation left me feeling bad, jabs veiled as jokes constantly. Even when I called her on it and told her to knock it off, she’d just keep it coming. She’d tone herself down just enough to Hoover me back and then whammo give it to me once again.

She’d feign caring and sisterly support. I’d reluctantly confide in her, then she’d turn everything I told her against me and throw it in my face.

The final confrontation was her outright trying to run my life. She told me and told everyone she knows who knows me that I have BPD and need an intervention. I had corrected her, yet she kept on saying it, when I told her I have been to psychiatrists and I was not diagnosed with BPD, only borderline traits among other confusing and possibly incorrect diagnoses. Our mutual friend showed me the texts where she slanders me once again and also says that I lied about something I confided in them both, which was not a lie. I was never a liar and all my friends know I was never a liar.

The life-long “friendship” ended with her sending me a slew of texts that I did not answer beyond asking her to stop and that I will not have this conversation with her about how she wanted to tell me how to run my life.

And that was the last I ever heard from her. The relationship simply ended. I unfriended and blocked her on facebook. I blocked her number on my phone. But she can write me through email. She just never did. She never apologized. She actually told our mutual friend that I should rather call her to tell her that she hurt my feelings. And that was that.

What is wrong with me for having had a life long friend like that? The good times were so much fun I was willing to put up with the toxicity. It was only when it got to such a level that I drew my boundary. I didn’t really know better because my FOO is also pretty toxic. There was a lot I liked about her even though she was toxic, but just had a limit which she couldn’t respect.

I miss her and still care about her, but I won’t call her again. It’s really hurtful how she just blew me off and wouldn’t even apologize. If she had given me a simple apology for having harassed me like that and overstepped my boundaries, I’d have stayed her bff. What is wrong with ME?