You can't carry on thinking your family wants you dead. That is clearly unhealthy. Getting out of that state of mind will require you to be honest about it with a pdoc. A therapist would be helpful too, but you probably need both.

I know you mentioned the meds make you feel empty. Maybe the same will happen this time around, but it might be worth the risk to help adjust your thoughts to a more stable pattern. Perhaps the meds can then be adjusted by a pdoc once you get out of psychosis.

Try to be as honest as you can. The meds are a match to your symptoms and it is hard for your pdoc to get it right if you withhold critical information.