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Originally Posted by Wander
Today's update. I have been saying I am doing well except for PTSD. Today I realised I have been downplaying the PTSD to myself. To be honest I am feeling incredibly trapped and overwhelmed. Non stop memories flood me so I dissociate unintentionally to cope. All this makes coping skills difficult as I disappear so fast. It is only getting worse, and I think this is only the beginning. Although stable with Bipolar finally I have now been hit with the effects of a lifetime of constant trauma. I just want it to go away and get on with my life but it is begging for attention and I can't seem to get out anyway. My T is helping me through this so I think I will be ok. It is just very difficult right now. I am hoping to get back to work soon once my hip recovers (I work on my feet moving around), but the anxiety I am experiencing may make returning difficult, especially since I haven't been to work since July last year.
Anyone else relate. Some of my trauma comes from the many times I have been hospitalised while very unwell. The rest is a list too long, and too sensitive, to describe.
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Hi Wander, I definitely relate. Some of my trauma comes from the times I have been hospitalized, and then I have my childhood, poor choices in relationships, hostility at work.
I made very poor choices in my relationships and for the wrong reasons. This was before I became ill with bipolar. I picked people who were abusers and ended up alone, except I have my son, who is doing well in life now. He likes his new job and has a new girlfriend. He had given up on dating for a long time.
My mains symptom of this trauma is that I isolate and just want to be alone and my energy is very low and all I want to do is smoke weed and type on my laptop. Even eating is a chore, just something to endure. My life is flat and pretty boring. Every day is the same and I don't see i have much to look forward to except an inevitable decline into not being able to take care of myself.
But I have made a few positive decisions. One was to get involved with a 12 step program called Emotions Anonymous. Another is to stop going on a lung cancer forum. I am a survivor now for more than 3 years post-op, and there is no reason to keep dwelling on all the bad things that might happen if it were to return, and what I might have to endure. My long term side effects from chemo are pretty devastating. it is also isolating to have such hearing loss and to have all my extremities painfully tingling and numb all the time.
I decided it is better to be bored than to focus on lung cancer right now. So it is a step in the right direction.