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Originally Posted by Perunica
Thank you for the answer, SilverTrees! I started with a psychotherapy one year ago. It's helping me understanding the things better, but I still can't modify my emotions. My psychotherapist says I should avoid contact with my parents. I brought it already to a minimum, but anyway every time I see them it's an unpleasant experience that stresses me. They manage to make me feel bad also on the phone. I don't know how to reach a point where I don't get bothered by the things they say to me or expect from me. I know that they can't change, but I can change my relationship with them, but I don't know how. I should act as an adult with them, but I just get upset like a teenager.
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I understand you very well Perunica. Life for me feels worse any time I communicate with my family. I live far away from them. Even a 10 minute phone conversation can turn my good mood into guilt and shame. If minimal contact isn't working, perhaps you could try zero contact for a while? See if that makes a difference? These problems are so deep and confusing and complicated. I wish I had some obvious solutions for you but I don't. Therapy helped me somewhat but also added some problems because I felt that my psychologist pushed me more toward my family than I wanted. I went along with it for a while until I became too tired and depressed. But that's just one therapist...perhaps others have a better approach? Please know that I care and want you to find the peace and joy that you desire and deserve. I think your present does not have to be your future. That's worth remembering.
I have a TCM doctor (PhD in Traditional Chinese Medicine) who helps me with my holistic health. He and I discussed my family problems. He suggested that i "start forgetting them but slowly over time." We have a bit of a language barrier but I think he was saying (based on our full conversation) that if family connection negatively impacts a person's health and the person is a financially independent adult, then that person should separate and move on with their own life in order to be healthy and happy. I should say that he has been so kind and supportive toward me. His words meant a great deal to me because I often feel guilty for not loving my family and for not wanting to talk to them.