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Old May 13, 2019, 07:07 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
Always in This Twilight
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 22,070
Quote:
Originally Posted by LabRat27 View Post
Idk if this will be helpful...
My T actually said no to a request kind of like this once, after discussing it and some careful consideration. It was something that had been really difficult for me to ask for, and it definitely felt like rejection.
But he was right that it would have been harmful for me in the long run.
Other things he's carefully considered and discussed before agreeing to them.

And I try to reframe it (rolling my eyes at myself as I say this, sorry) as that it would be easier to just say yes to whatever, but that he cares enough to not just do the easy thing without thinking about it.
He actually stops to carefully consider it. Because sometimes what I want isn't the same thing as what I need (and the nature of therapy, or at least my therapy, is such that I'm agreeing to follow his judgment on these things to some extent)
And, because I definitely have serious parental issues and transference, thinking about parenting styles too. A good parent won't just say yes to anything their child wants. A good parent will consider things first and is willing to say no sometimes, even if it's something their kid wants, because they care about their child's best interests. It's out of love.

I still felt rejected and cried though lol

Thanks, this helps to hear--both that you understand what your T was doing and also that you felt rejected and cried over it. I think I'm unsure as to why this might be harmful to me--he seems to be concerned that he won't have the reaction I want. But I think a big part of it is being able to tap into emotions that music brings out in me, that I might struggle to tap into otherwise. I mentioned that briefly today, but maybe should have gone more into it? I don't know...it just feels like something I want to try. Maybe I could start really small, play him like a 30-second to 1-minute clip of something? See how that goes? I don't know.

But it definitely helps to hear that he's likely looking out for my best interests. And he wants to know what I'd be trying to get out of it. The problem is, I'm not 100% sure? I think it's just another way of expressing myself. So maybe that's where the rejection is coming from? It feels like he isn't accepting this form of expression from me. Like he doesn't think it's appropriate, even though he didn't say that. Hm, that's maybe what this is about? That it's like...my voice is being muted, or something. My self-expression.
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