Upon furthur analysis, I have figured out what is going on with me.

The woman T was right, I totally felt abandoned when he told me he was angry. To add to that, he told me that he was angry how it affected his staff. I perceived that as him rubbing in my face what I'll never have - him protecting me. One has to care deeply about others to want to protect them.

The hippo was symbolic. When he took it back, it was total abandonment. Not too good for one with fears of abandonment.

This is why I can't let this go. If he doesn't recant his position, then he continues to remain emotionally withdrawn. He kept telling me that I was angry because he was not telling me what I wanted to hear. That characterization of my feelings felt so condescending. HE was wrong. I really was/am trying to pull him back. I didn't realize my fears of abandonment were so intense, so desperate. I just want him back. I'm so needy and clingy, it makes me feel like a worthless nothing. This has to end soon. How long can one take such devastation? My facade is cracking, I'm exhausted physically and emotionally. T, where are you? Please come back to me.