I studied Computer science, with the goal to work in video game development. My first ever job was quite fun, and indeed in a video game company. I had amazing coworkers, and there was always a good atmosphere and many team events etc so getting up and going to work was no struggle at all. The only drawback was that it was quite badly paid.

Sadly the company went down after 3 years. Ever since, I work as a software developer in a company that does websites - nothing to do with games. It was ok for a while, not great or particularly fun, but doable. However in the last months I've started to hate my job and struggle every day to get up.

There's a few different aspects. I have one especially annoying coworker who is really loud and also starts loud conversations with the others. Whenever he is not there, the office is much quieter. I struggle with working in noise, and can barely focus. I already brought this up but it seems that basically nobody else cares and nothing will change. Generally, there's 2-3 coworkers I like, the rest is 'ok' but I feel like I don't fit that well into the team. They are all older men and I'm a young woman and we just don't have much to talk about. Plus, because I'm annoyed by all the loud rowdy conversations during work, I don't participate much.

Then, I am bored by my job and started questioning if I actually want to be a software developer. I think my interest in video games is mainly because of the creative aspect. I would love a job that is creative or works with an entertaining product in some way, not just plain old websites. I don't hate programming and I'm decent at it, but am not actually very interested in technical details and don't have the motivation to really put work in and become better.

I've started having a poor work ethic. I don't get nearly as much done as I could, but I make sure nobody else has to pick up my slack. I often just sit and stare at my screen. I have also probably been taking too many sick days. I'm basically waiting for my boss to bring this up. I know I'm not being a very good employee at the moment.

I know many people don't love their job, but in the last months I really only live for the weekends & evenings and pretty much hate every minute I spend at work. I feel stuck because I don't see a clear solution. I could probably get a job as a software dev somewhere else, but because I am specifically sick of the technical work and missing creativity, I don't see how that would help me. Fortunately I've re-discovered some hobbies to at least do something creative in my free time, and I try to de-stress by meeting friends etc, but either way I start to feel really tense & depressed on Wednesdays and then just try to survive til the weekend somehow.

I'm currently trying - with the help of my therapist - to find out what it really is that I want to do, and I have a few vague ideas, but even if I do know, it doesn't guarantee that I'll get a job like that. I just feel burnt out and hopeless.