Thank you for sharing your truth, Romantic Rose. I enjoy seeing you around the forums

My current partner initially raised an eyebrow upon learning about my close male friends when we first started dating. It was never a secret, I am up front about it. He had not yet met them when he was questioning it. I explained that they were in fact legit friends and not former lovers or ex-boyfriends or intermittent lovers or anything like that. I also emphasized that I am not willing to date someone who refuses to accept that I have male friends. So, of course he had some thinking to to. I asked if he would like to meet my male friends. He did and really liked them. As he spent time with us all together, he could see that there was no flirting or "long-gaming" or anything that would undermine his relationship with me. He grew to like my male friends and so he accepted them. We have spent time together and I also spend time with male friends without my partner.

I used to be married. My husband did not want me to have any friends or family. He was jealous about EVERYONE else in my life: female friends, gay male friends, straight male friends, male and female family members, male and female colleagues etc. I am an extrovert and love being around people but as the abuse from my husband progressed, he managed to drive everyone away from me. I later learned in therapy that isolating a spouse by driving away their friends is a major part of spousal abuse.

Anyway, I am divorced and safe now. My current partner (I'll never marry again by my own choice) is a stable and loving man. I mention my history because I am acutely aware of how an insecure partner can cause problems with their partner's friendships and for me, that is not okay. There are a lot of adults, male and female, who would lose their minds if their significant other had friendships with members of the opposite sex. This, in my opinion is very sad and often destructive.

Being someone's partner does not authorize a person to dictate who someone can and cannot speak with. And yet often in society that controlling and manipulation is considered a "normal" part of marriage and commitment. Based on my own experience and open mind, I like to open up the dialogue about this. I read some very interesting psych articles on the advantages of having opposite sex friendships. I know that I leave learned a great deal from
conversations with my male friends. Back when I was single, they often gave me advice about dating men....I always say if you want to understand a problem with a man, ask a man, not a woman. Men and women can be friends of course. With good boundaries and not former or would-be lovers. And if there's a significant other, then that person of course needs to be aware of the opposite sex friends and can see for him/herself that the friendships are legit.

Hope you and Ennie don't mind my sharing! I feel quite passionate about this topic. Sadly, when i was married I lost some very good people in my life. And several were male friends; gay and straight.

Romantic Rose, may I ask if you have had a partner (male or female) who was uncomfortable or unsure about your male friends? if you feel comfortable sharing, I'd love to hear more. if not, no problem