Quote:
Originally Posted by mattdadd
I'm attracted to people regardless of gender but I lean towards males. And the person I'm dating is male. I only used gender-neutral pronouns so there wouldn't be any gender bias in people's responses. I guess that was kind of pointless though since people just assumed a gender on their own.
Also, I'm very picky about what my type is, so it's probably unrealistic to look for someone who fits it. My standards for aesthetics are (too) high, but I'm trying not to be hyperaware of appearances as it makes me feel judgy. It's something I'm working on, but as I said, I don't find my S/O ugly or unattractive at all. He's objectively decent looking (and above average in my opinion). I'm just not attracted by his looks. I like him for everything else.
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I think that's an interesting approach to getting feedback - your not specifying genders of either yourself or your S/O. I suppose that does force responders to think differently than if they had that info. It probably does screen out some unhelpful assumptions that people are inclined to make. I take it that was your purpose.
On the other hand, we can sometimes be poor judges of what our issues really are. I have a sense, following your thread, that what you are specifically asking about may be somewhat beside the point in regards to what is actually gnawing away at you. It's up to you to decide how much you care to reveal and what degree of trust you feel in this social media venue. (People sometimes get their trust betrayed in any venue.) But, at some time in the future, you might want to experiment with a different approach - where you peel back some of that shroud of mystery and kind of "put your cards on the table." It's a risk, and you might regret it. But you might get some unexpected insights that haven't occurred to you. Something's bugging you, and I don't think this thread is doing much other than dancing around whatever that may be.
Let me emphasize that I fully support you being the judge of what you're comfortable with and what you wish to share. But are you really finding out anything here that you don't already know?
You sound and write like a person who is intelligent and capable of reflection. If someone asked you the question you put at the top of this thread, what would you say? Wouldn't you say, "Well, it depends on a number of things." You sound young, but mature enough to have developed your basic moral compass. I don't think you need anyone to explain to you that it is wrong to emotionally mislead another person, or to exploit another person by accepting more affection from that person than you have any ability to give back. So I am left wondering what it is that really perplexes you?
The short answer to the question at the top of the thread is: "No. It's not automatically wrong." But I think you know that. What would be wrong is to exploit someone's trust. It is wrong to use people for one's own emotional satisfaction, or for temporary security against being alone. I think you probably know that too. I'm inviting you to clarify the issue - if not to us, then at least to yourself.