Here's the scoop, I've had previous OCD events thought out the years, mostly bad ones about sexual Orientation but I recovered. However; most recently I had some struggle with sexual intrusive thoughts. My son was born in February and everything was fine. Im happy and I love him. I was instantly whipped into a cycle of obsessive thinking and scouring the web for answers to why.. asking reassurance, avoidance of my son for a couple days along with depression and guilt. I felt like a monster. I'm lost in my head as to why they came. I have never been sexually abused, thought when I was preteen I was exposed to sexual themes (parental nudity, porn etc) my parents were bad to me. Loads of physical and emotional abuse for several years. I have never had any sexual thoughts about children that I can recall, nor have I abused any. I love my son and want him to be safe, and my wife doesn't think I'm a monster or going to do those things. But I'm afraid of my thoughts and I'm up nights and sometimes days because of it. Had to be given zyprexa a couple times to kill the frenzy. I've never been a parent before.. didn't ever plan to be. It just happened. I don't want to spend the next 18 years of his life plagued by thoughts and or fear. I want my son to be safe, happy, and never grow up like I did.

I see a therapist, and might seek a specialist.

But I also need help outside of that. What's why I'm here. I want to be free of this suffering.