I understand how you are feeling Perunica.

Unhappy contact with our parents creates a cycle of retraumatising.

My narcissistic father became such a bully, I cut contact completely in the end.

I tolerated my mothers jibes and how she loved to reminisce about how awful I was as a child.

My parents divorced and so I only had to deal with one at a time fortunately.

They have both died now. But the trauma never dies...

It helps to cut contact but it does not stop them attempting to contact you.

I did try many times to explain myself but unfortunately they are not the sort of people to understand what they are doing.

You are not to blame for this and no contact seems to be the only advice I found helpful.

Sending warm wishes and much peace to you