Quote:
Originally Posted by DechanDawa
I have been on Psych Central for four years. I went back and was looking at the threads I started...and was shocked to discover that this was the THIRD TIME I have gone on Psych Central to write about this person. And what I wrote almost four years ago is the same thing I wrote this week!
That's shocking!
I was afraid to end the friendship and go No Contact. It was only recently when I started to think about the patterns...that I saw what was happening. Maybe on some level I knew...but I wasn't strong enough to face it.
I think what finally helped was that I have been working very hard to improve my mental health. It always seems I have made little progress...but things like this remind me that...if you keep working the rewards are there.
Covert narcissists are a bit harder to detect because on the surface they seem helpful and supportive. But clues began to surface that I could not ignore. Such as the fact this person never apologized, never thought she was wrong about anything, and can be very cruel. She recently cut off one of her siblings very cruelly. And she talks about others behind their back. Maybe as these people get older the negatives in their personalities get worse, and begin to show. I think that is the case here.
|
I’ve been on as long as you. My original concerns were for three difficult relationships. My mother, husband, and this (now ex) friend.
During these years, have other relationships devolved for you? My point is I am self-examining how much is me and how much is them.
I have two healthy friendships with women. One long term of 40 years remains and one I’ve known for six. I have no issues with acquaintances or people I work with. So it’s no just me across the board.
But I have had fallout with some key others, which really shocked me. It’s a long story, but my sisters and dad really don’t care about me at all.
I’m pretty sure my mother would be diagnosed NPD, but she is elderly and was not previously as ill as she is now. I would agree though I learned some bad ways from her. I’m looking inward toward myself and trying to explain to myself whatever it is that i have done that caused others to treat me so badly.
I’m not suggesting there is anything bad or wrong about you. I’m always looking at the whole picture in myself to try to understand and justify what is happening.
For example, with my ex friend, I did confide in her all my stuff thinking this is the supportive relationship friends have. Then she threw all my stuff in my face to criticize me about it, non helpful, hurtful. She also gossiped about me using the ammunition I gave her to others. Geez, with friends like that, who needs enemies? Now, was I having faulty thinking in the first place to confide my problems to my friend? See what I’m saying here?
Did we somehow cause people to treat us badly? Did we attract narcissists and are they even actual narcissists? Are we members of families filled with narcissists or is this just how normal people are?
Please don’t take offense. I am not at all suggesting there is anything wrong with you. It’s just this is how I think and have beat myself up about this because I am suffering from really toxic relationships. How much is me and how much is them? (Just a rhetorical question)
