hi cyrano.
you don't have to guess--you're depressed. and you don't need god or art or eros to help you--those things are just noise in the void to keep you from facing yourself (which in my case tends to be a good idea).
you are doing the right thing right here--engaging in dialog with other concerned persons. it's not gonna be easy, if it were then there wouldn't be any dead depressives.
good luck to you pal. feel free to PM me.
pi