Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
I’ve been on as long as you. My original concerns were for three difficult relationships. My mother, husband, and this (now ex) friend.
During these years, have other relationships devolved for you? My point is I am self-examining how much is me and how much is them.
I have two healthy friendships with women. One long term of 40 years remains and one I’ve known for six. I have no issues with acquaintances or people I work with. So it’s no just me across the board.
But I have had fallout with some key others, which really shocked me. It’s a long story, but my sisters and dad really don’t care about me at all.
I’m pretty sure my mother would be diagnosed NPD, but she is elderly and was not previously as ill as she is now. I would agree though I learned some bad ways from her. I’m looking inward toward myself and trying to explain to myself whatever it is that i have done that caused others to treat me so badly.
I’m not suggesting there is anything bad or wrong about you. I’m always looking at the whole picture in myself to try to understand and justify what is happening.
For example, with my ex friend, I did confide in her all my stuff thinking this is the supportive relationship friends have. Then she threw all my stuff in my face to criticize me about it, non helpful, hurtful. She also gossiped about me using the ammunition I gave her to others. Geez, with friends like that, who needs enemies? Now, was I having faulty thinking in the first place to confide my problems to my friend? See what I’m saying here?
Did we somehow cause people to treat us badly? Did we attract narcissists and are they even actual narcissists? Are we members of families filled with narcissists or is this just how normal people are?
Please don’t take offense. I am not at all suggesting there is anything wrong with you. It’s just this is how I think and have beat myself up about this because I am suffering from really toxic relationships. How much is me and how much is them? (Just a rhetorical question)  |
Thanks for this. I think I came on here to Psych Central because everything was unraveling. My older sister had just died and she was a toxic narcissist. So I was experiencing complicated grief. And in the late stages of her illness I was thrust back into family dynamics I had been avoiding and came up against a few other narcissists in my family. ON TOP OF ALL THIS...I had gotten myself into a toxic post divorce relationship...with someone who turned out to be really crazy, stalking me and such. I had a falling out with a woman I had been working with for ten years...because when I confronted her about some of her crazy narcissistic ways she turned nasty. That's how you can really tell a narcissist. If you confront them and they have a meltdown.
During this time I got rid of a couple of newer friends who also seemed toxic. Not so much nasty but with what seemed like moderate substance abuse problems. I didn't want to be around that.
Long story...I ended up with an empty life. This was so weird...because it seemed like just the second before that...I had a boyfriend...a best friend...a sister...brothers...a mentor and working colleague and productive work...and a smattering of local friends. It seemed like in one fell swope it was all gone.
I then moved to a rather isolated area geographically speaking - that was unfamiliar - after living in the same area for over 20 years...and for the past three years have really struggled to understand what happened to my life.
It is only recently that I have started to feel...less confused. This relationship I have been talking about was kind of the last one to go. And I depended on this friend.
I have to now build a whole new life from the ground up. I have a few neighbors who seem to want to become friends. It is the first overture...from a new and fresh place. I feel a bit battered but I had better get over that...
