"I have never been sexually abused, thought when I was preteen I was exposed to sexual themes (parental nudity, porn etc) my parents were bad to me. Loads of physical and emotional abuse for several years."

I don't want to negate your truth GSC2019 but it actually sounds like you may have experienced sexual abuse in your childhood. I believe exposing minors to sexual material (such as porn) falls under the definition of sexual abuse....it does not necessarily have to involve sexual touching. There is also new helpful research on covert sexual abuse which you may want to read about....perhaps some of that will resonate with your childhood experiences. I mention this not to add to your anxiety but I have a hunch that the more you explore and understand what went awry in your own childhood, the more likely you are to heal from it. Just a thought for you.