My PC pals, I'm sorry I'm writing so much, but I am feeling progressively unwell again. I nearly had a breakdown at the pharmacy a little while ago. I can't even go into it again (I told my husband), but I couldn't think straight. It was as if the pharmacist was speaking some other language. She kept confusing me. I finally go to the point where I told her I didn't feel well and am having trouble understanding. Then I had to pay, and I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid credit card thingy to function. I was supposed to sign it, but I couldn't figure out how to get it to the signing screen. I had managed on that thing in the past. I finally just threw the pen-like thing and said "You have to get it so I can sign it! I can't do it!" so she did, and I managed the rest. The customer behind me was staring at me not just because of that but because of all the stuff I was saying before. I was getting so nervous and starting to rant. I got home and called my husband and told him and said that I just have to go bed. I am in bed and I don't want to leave. I told him I don't know if I can do anything more today. Too many things are coming at me and I feel like it's overload. An old friend contacted me. The French teacher contacted me. Verizon called three times. I discovered a message on the answering machine from my Dad from yesterday that I never even noticed. OMG! What if that had been his last call ever! I have this horrible nightmare that someone is trying to call me to reach out for help, but I never hear it until too late. It reminds me of this call on this TV movie from a man calling his family from the World Trade Center on 9-11 after the plane hit the building. His family wasn't home, so he was leaving a message on the answering machine in desperation. And then it cut off.

I decided to take the 20 mg of Latuda as soon as I got home, though I should take it either in the morning or evening. Who cares that I took it in the afternoon. I'll take it again tomorrow morning. The pill is so small that I could hardly see it. It's smaller than a baby aspirin. Though I'm glad not to have another big pill in my boxes, I sometimes have trouble with these smaller pills falling through my fingers onto the floor. It's really hard to have to get on your hands and knees and search for a teeny tiny pill on the rug under the table, where it's dark. I'm also always so scared that I'll never find it and my parrot will for some reason be on the floor and eat it.

Add on (an hour later):

I went downstairs to get a drink of water and noticed a cop car through my front door. I looked and there were three cop cars, an EMT, and an ambulance. You better believe I felt spooked. It appeared to be for our neighbor. Our houses are all attached. I got dressed and went out and asked a cop how long they'd be there. He said "Do you need to get out?" and I told him no, but that if he sees my husband's golden Subaru to immediately tell him its not me. That would scare the hell out of my husband, as such a scene has been here for me a couple of times ago. I tried to reach my husband by phone/cell phone, but couldn't get him at first. I finally did and warned him myself. He said that he was just leaving.