I am sorry TheUrOther, unfortunately, a lot of people do not understand how crippling PTSD can get. Some people have it worse than others, they are so extremely sensitive that just going out can feel painfully unsafe. I actually thought about you recently when the trauma therapist I am now seeing talked about how some ptsd patients NEED to feel hyper vigiliant in order to feel safe. These individuals don't feel safe enough to actually relax and allow themselves to experience feeling a neutral in their mind and body. My therapist did an Acceleratated Resolution Therapy session with me and got me to experience this neutral, and I have to say that I had not realized I did not actually know what that felt like. My entire body felt different, and all my muscles felt like weak jelly. I thought OMG, is this what normal is supposed to feel like? I did not know what to think about how different I felt. And I was exhausted for a couple of days after that too. That is actually normal to feel tired because the body is finally allowed to actually relax instead of constantly being pumped up with cortozol. Well, for myself I did not get to enjoy that for very long because I ended up having some bad upsetting things to deal with that hit me hard. I believe you, I know how mean people can be, I have definitely been living through some toxic things in my own life. It's true that some people can behave badly, get very toxic when you don't deserve it.

That being said, if you are already hyper vigilant, you will react where some or even many would just ignore some negative things other people do or say. When someone has a history of abuse, has never really known what a safe environment actually feels like, that person can develop a constant hyper vigilant state not even knowing that is not a normal state for most people, however, it's normal to them. I do believe you genuinely feel the world of people is very unsafe. When someone has experience a lot of abuse and never got to experience what it's like to actually FEEL safe that person will not be able to understand what being safe actually means and can begin to see the world much as you have described feeling and experiencing. It's totally understandable that you would even feel "alien" too. People are going to react badly to you because they simply don't have the capacity to even begin to understand you. However, others that do have this challenge, that experience severe ptsd symptoms will understand you. Actually, I just happened to watch a little bit of a newer series called Amsterdam that is a hospital and one doctor was a psych doctor treating a patient with severe ptsd like you are describing. This doctor was getting permission to treat this patient with ecstacy which is something they have been using to help treat severe ptsd patients and have found it helpful. What impressed me is at least there is something that people can watch that provides them with some real challenges that people do experience when dealing with severe ptsd.

I have seen you react with anger and I know you have a lot of resentments towards humanity that is not recognizing or respecting the challenge you experience. Unfortunately, when you DO react so negatively, all you end up doing is actually convincing others to "fear you" and stay away from you or treat you badly even. This only adds to the frustration someone experiences from suffering from this condition. I know this because I have experienced negative people that have triggered me and I have reacted with anger myself. I have had to work very hard on this challenge. I do know that reacting with anger is not going to help me get heard either. At times it's very hard NOT to react. Each person is different depending on how much trauma that person experienced.