Quote:
Originally Posted by comrademoomoo
For me, the idea and impulse of wanting to share music with someone to whom you feel a connection is a teenage desire. I am thinking of mixer tapes (or whatever these rebellious youngsters get up to these days with their Spotify playlists) sent to our hearts' desires in the hope that in hearing the music they will also hear our inner self. I think it is a lovely impulse and it reminds me of blossoming identities and passions. I would feel rejected in your position. It seems that your therapist is not welcoming your teenage self and that seems like a missed therapeutic opportunity.
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This makes a lot of sense, especially because the stuff I was saying in reply to Slumber Kitty is from my teenage years. And at times, I do feel that I'm being a teenager with T. With ex-MC, I think I was more of a child. With T at times it feels like I'm acting out the stuff I couldn't as a teen, since I didn't truly rebel against my parents (it was like they wouldn't let me, and I was too caught up in being the good girl...I guess I did some rebellion in college and my early 20s). But with him I'm doing stuff like, "OK I'm going to see another T to talk about you without telling you first" and "I'm gonna tell you the negative things other people have said about you."
And I appreciate you saying you'd also feel rejected in my position. I initially wanted to send him an email Monday night saying something to that effect, then realized he'd probably just say that he didn't tell me I couldn't play it, he's just being careful. I think he wants me to fully understand why I want something when I'm asking for it. But sometimes I *don't* really understand why, and maybe I need to do the thing first to really understand. This feels important to me, but I don't know why. To me, that should signal something.