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Blackice1993 · May 15, 2019 at 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Perunica

Hi to everyone,
I’m new on this forum! Sorry for my English it’s not my primar language.

I’m 40 years old, and I’m still struggling with issues with my parents. I always used to have very conlictual relationship with them. My father is a narcissist, an overt one, and my mother codependent. I never really feel loved, I always perceived that my parents love was conditional, and I had to fulfill they expectations. As soon as I could I left home, and went to live in another country (I was 23).
Now I see them 2 or 3 times a year, they usually visit me for 3-4 days, once a year, and I visit them 2 times a year for 3 days. I respect them but I don’t feel any love for them. Now they are at my home, visiting me, but I feel so irritaded all the time. I’m trying not to react on the things that bother me, but I’m so bad mooded all the time, I have troubles breathing, got some joint pains and I’m so nervous. They don’t really care for my bad mood, they don’t even notice. They just care about stuff I do, they take photos of my achievements to show off to their friends, saying they are proud of me. Other times I would get upset with some things they do or say to me, and we get into a conflict, then they usually tell me that I have a horrible character. When they leave I usually feel regret an guilt that I feel so irritated by them. I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t feel any love, just an obligation and need to make them feel fine. How can I overcome this feeling, and how can I stop feeling stressed when I see them?

Sounds like you find your parents to be a toxic influence. It's understandable you'd feel irritated by them since they don't take your feelings into account, and instead focus on boosting their ego through your achievements. Rather than actually try to understand why you feel the way you do they only see the feelings on the surface, rather than the motive behind them since their narcissism doesn't let them see themselves as the cause of anyone's problems. I'd honestly be pretty angry too if I were in your place since I really don't like egoistic people.

The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to avoid them as much as possible. Spending time around toxic people in general is a sure way to develop health problems eventually.