Saw my T yesterday. The grounding techniques are not helping pull me out of dissociation. In face I am having trouble practicing or using them. I feel exposed for some reason. He suggested I see another T as a fresh approach may help. I freaked out. I have been seeing him for nine years. Building up trust like that with another T would take years so no work would get done anyway. My T reassured me he wasn't trying to get rid of me. He just wanted me to be aware of that option. It was a tough session, but very enlightening.

The feelings of being trapped and terrified grip me at times. Interestingly enough my recent psychosis that was based on the delusion that all authority figures in mental health were controlling and manipulating me seems to be grounded in a lifetime of authority figures screwing me over. Once I recovered PTSD hit me. My brain is obviously working some things out. I have hope that I will be much more able to simply be myself soon and be content.