Quote:
Originally Posted by Elio
I often want to just do something in session without talking about it. For me, for some reason the act of talking about it starts to bring out feelings that it's a bad thing to want to do it or I'm some how or some reason stupid for liking it ... thinking it's important to me. It's like the discussion, analyzing, intellectualizing the whatever, results in it feeling judged. I haven't gotten to why this is for me. I've only gotten to recognizing it is there.
There is the potential for disappointment, there is also the potential for words to be found to describe the feelings. It was also nice to have my T ask me questions about the music -- "showing interest in something I like". So... risk/reward.
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I said this first part to him at the beginning--that I was afraid we'd talked about it too much and made it into this big thing. He said he thought the opposite, that because we'd discussed it, wasn't as big of a deal. I had initially felt judged like you said you do, so thanks for validating that.
I feel I ended up taking a risk and getting a reward here. I know it could have gone badly, but I'm impressed with how my T handled it. I really didn't think we'd discuss it much at all. The fact that he picked out a line that he figured had meaning to me, and was correct about it (it wasn't necessarily an obvious line to pick out, though they do repeat it some)--that meant a lot and made me feel understood. The whole experience made me feel like he was really trying to understand me and why I was choosing to communicate in this way. He said he thinks the way I deal with therapy is that I'm trying to really express my inner world and be understood, and this was one way I was trying to do that. I agreed.