By recently I mostly mean the last few months. Rationally I can name good things in my life. I have hobbies and friends and all that. But even when I'm doing something fun with friends, I rarely experience real joy. More like a vaguely positive feeling but it's, like, dulled.

In comparison, I am often annoyed, and feel like am absolutely not mentally resilient. Even small unpleasant things pretty much ruin my day, I am almost always in a bad mood and feel grumpy and negative. Anything positive that happens has only a slight effect.

I feel stressed, despite actually having a lot of free time. I always feel like I need a vacation. I fantasize about just going away from civilisation so noone and nothing can bother me. I wanna sit in my own little cabin all by myself and just shut the world out. Whenever I can relax and do nothing, like in the evenings and weekends, I feel alright but during the week I'm just.... bleh.

I am not happy with my job, so I think that's a big part of this, but I don't know why I am suddenly so negative and can barely find joy in anything. I guess it sounds like depression, but it doesn't feel the way depression usually manifests for me.