I am shocked. How could I not realize? He was always busy (finding more interesting things to do), he was sending me pics of him bare-chested in front of the mirror (vane and insecure), I would always be the one chasing him to see him and he would never speak honestly and about his feelings.
How could I not see it? How could I be so naive? I made this illusion up in my own mind and didn't want to think it wasn't true. I did all by myself. I was the prisoner of my own mind.
I need to find the way to be able to see this next time I go out with someone. I need to be able to find the signs that show me that he is distant and too much into himself to see ME. I am giving too much and they take too much without any exchange.
Why do I attract these people? What do I need to change? I am begging for attention and love without realizing. I need to listen to myself better.
I remember when I was on hols and I received the 1st picture of him half naked in front of the mirror. I thought he missed me and was jelous because I was with another guy (a friend). But no, he sent me the pic because he's as insecure AF and needed my attention. I felt weird, as I didn't like it, but went along with it and played the game. He kept sending me pics, and the more he sent the more I felt weird.
When we were sleeping together I could never sleep properly relaxed with a deep sleep. I would always wake up hundred times and feel anxious. I didn't understand why. I thought I was excited to see him. It was my body and mind telling me to run away, but I didn't, I didn't get it.
I thoguht this was the ideal situation and I was just being stressed from family and work. I should have listened more carefully.
How can I listen to myself more carefully and pick up the signs my own subconscious is trying to hint me with?