Ha--I am sitting here crying after reading more. I think I get it now....in the past I have read articles and they sounded like goggly gook to me.

I can see that I have a disorganized attachment style. Trust nothing. Trust no one. Was never sure if an A- would get me in trouble, or praise. Both were true. Chaotic and unpredictable parental situation. Scary and inconsistent. My solution as a young little thing was to think that being perfect would somehow keep me safe from it. Denial of pain. Denial and fragmented self as a result. Over achiever, yet can't "accept" my own achievements as mine. Somehow managed to be quite empathetic towards others, yet not myself. No sense of safety or letting my hair down. Very interesting!

It is no wonder why my mind went blank when I was asked about my childhood or attachment "bonds." I felt like I had a few different childhoods. Some of which I remember nothing.

Ok...see? You helped even though I only chatted with myself.
FL47